I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize