This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
