i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
