dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
