I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
