Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
