I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
