You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
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