I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
