I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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