Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
