We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
