VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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