"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
