I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
