im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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