Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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