if you like me you must not know who I am
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
