Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am available for nakedness
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
