he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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