We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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