dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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