Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
