morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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