But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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