Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
