I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
