I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
