I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
