just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
