ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
