i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
