Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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