the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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