dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
