I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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