Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
