ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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