He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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