I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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