i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
