And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
