Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
