Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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