You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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