make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
