Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She said her name was "party"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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