I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
