hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
