I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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