plz talk dirty to me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
