He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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