I accidentally had phone sex last night
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
