strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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