He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
