I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
