idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
