I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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