well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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