1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize