I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
