I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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