Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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