halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize