I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
