I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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