I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
