there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
